Book Review – How Full is your Bucket?

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The premise of this book is that we will achieve greater results from employees by focusing on the employee’s strengths, rather than their weaknesses.  The thing I like about this book is that the concept is simple.  The authors know the concept is simple and instead of writing the same thing repeatedly, like some authors might, these authors explain the concept, provide examples of their theory, provide data to back it up and call it a day.  It is a relatively short book that give some great examples.  One example is of Susan, a manager.  The first time she tried to recognize her star sales rep, she failed miserably, upsetting him in the process.  This example shows the importance of figuring out what is important to your employees and awarding them in a way they recognize as positive.   This is just some of the great advice this book provides for those tasked with managing others.  Overall, I give this book four stars.

Book Review – Parents are Forever

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Parents are Forever presents a great concept for co-parenting.  It uses the analogy of owning a business together with your partner to show how people should co-parent.  Parents who work together to care for their children after divorce become co-parents.  No matter how ex-spouses feel about each other personally, co-parents who want to be successful ACT reasonably.  Parents should attend formal meetings where child-related issues are discussed.  This concept requires healthy negotiating, which requires proper distance and respect for one another.  The book provides an example for proper business meeting structure and a checklist of discussion points that need to be discussed.  I give this book five stars for parents that are serious about successful co-parenting.  Even after all of the advice, this book teaches techniques, like accepting an un-perfect result, which is important, because after all, divorce is an imperfect result to begin with.  I like the concepts in this book so much that I often formally recommend (in my GAL report) that parents read this book in cases where I am acting as a GAL.   I give this book five stars.

Book Review – Splitting

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This book was given to me by a client.  The client felt this book was helpful to her in navigating her case with her husband, whom she believes to be suffering from borderline narcissistic personality disorder.

Splitting is a term used to describe a defense mechanism universally seen in people with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I definitely have a love-hate relationship with this book.  Let me begin by being truthful with how long it took me to finish this book. I got through the first half of the book pretty quickly and then I stalled for approximately six months (maybe longer) before finishing the book.  I was just having difficulty picking it up and getting through it towards the end.  The information was very helpful for a person going through a difficult divorce with someone they suspect as having personality disorders/defects.  The issue that I was having is that some of the legal-based information was inaccurate, and not in a, procedural differences between jurisdictions, kind of way.  Some of the basic information was inaccurate and misleading, in my opinion.

The book attempts to address the different types of evaluators that can get involved in a divorce case.  One such evaluator it discusses is “an attorney for minor children.”  Even this label is frustratingly inaccurate.  It leads the reader to believe that it is referring to an attorney representing the minor children.  What I think it is actually referring to is a guardian ad litem, which is an attorney that represents the best interests of the minor children.

There is a very distinct difference between representing a minor child, which requires you to advocate for the position your client wants you to advocate for, and representing the best interests of the minor children, which requires you to advocate for the position that you feel is in the child’s best interests, regardless of what the child wants.  If a parent wants the minor children to be represented by an attorney, the only way to accomplish this in a private custody case is to hire an attorney to do so.  A Guardian Ad Litem is appointed by the Court and the Court makes an order about who will be responsible for payment of the GAL’s fees, which are usually divided equally by the parties.  The entire section on this seems to confuse the two roles.  There are a few other sections that are ambiguous or misleading, which I feel might result in confusion on the part of the client.

The book is not all bad though.  It provides some great suggestions for how to deal with a high-tension, highly litigious opposing party.  One of the best points made by the authors is the fact that highly aggressive attorneys often don’t win in the long run and that for negative advocate attorneys focus on their performance in court.  They put on a show for their client and as a result, their client thinks they did a great job.  This is something I have been telling my clients for years.  I might add that the reason I know they are only putting on a show for their client is because, often times, attorneys go into chambers with the judge and discuss the issues before any hearing occurs.  The judge often tells the attorneys their point of view on the issue after all arguments have been made.  The attorneys and parties go on record thereafter, but at that point, it is only a procedural formality.  The attorneys already know how the judge will rule before the formal hearing occurs.  Any arguments made are only for the sake of the record and for the sake of the clients.

Another great resource and suggestion made is the open letter to family and friends in the back of the book.  The letter is provided as a “suggested script” of a letter that a person can send to their family and friends as they are going through the divorce process.  With some modifications, this letter could be used for almost any type of divorce.  In a high-tension and highly litigious divorce, a letter like this is a great tool.  One of the best pieces of information in the letter is to as your friends and family not to take sides in the divorce.  By way of example it states, “while siding with me may give me a temporary feeling of satisfaction, it is a form of all-or-nothing thinking that reinforces seeing one person as all bad and the other as all good.”  So basically, you are using the letter to ask your friends and family not to talk smack about your soon to be ex because that leads to deeper feelings of resentment and vindictiveness.  This is a great idea because those feelings usually already exist in abundance and do not need to be reinforced.

Overall, I give this book 3 stars.

Book Review – Two Homes

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Clients often come to me before they have told anyone what they are going through, and that includes their children.  Clients often ask me how to have the divorce discussion with their children.  My answer is that it depends how old their children are and what the maturity level of their children is.  One option is to begin introducing the idea of divorce through books.  Two Homes is one such book that could be used to introduce the idea of divorce to young children.  The books states that it is for children 3-7 (on the back) but I would argue that it is actually for the younger end of that spectrum.  The book is very basic and could be used for a younger or less mature audience.  Maybe 3-5 years old.  The book revolves around Alex, presumably an only child and uses basic one-liners to show how things are different at each of his parent’s homes but it puts a positive spin on the fact that he has two of everything because he has two homes.  At the end it emphasizes that he loves both of his parents and both of his parents love him.  If both parents are committed to having an amicable separation and divorce, this could be a great book to introduce the changes the child will experience.  My only hesitation would be that this book paints an ideal picture of what it will look like, which, if both parents aren’t committed to making it a smooth transition, this book might set the child’s expectations too high.  But with this age group, I am not sure you have many alternatives because you definitely want to make every child feel comfortable and safe.  I rate this book 4 ½ stars and I would suggest this book for children on the younger end of the age spectrum.

Book Review- UnFu*k YOURSELF

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Change starts within you.  That is the premise of this book.  There are some great takeaways from this book.  One of which is that it IS the power of the mind to be unconquerable.  We are wired to win, and we win at what we want to win at.  The only way to do this is to not be bothered by what others think about us.  We must be willing to be judged by others and not let it get to us and in the end embrace the uncertainty in what lies ahead.  If we can become comfortable with uncertainty, we will be able to adapt to the uncertainty much more easily.  I firmly believe in the message of this book and it is executed well, although, perhaps more examples to illustrate the points would have been welcomed.  Overall, I give this book 4 stars.

Mediation and Arbitration

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Mediation and Arbitration
We get a lot of questions about arbitration and mediation.  There are many differences between arbitration and mediation.  One difference is that arbitration is binding while mediation is an agreement between the parties and is not binding or enforceable unless and until the agreement is made an order of the court. 
In arbitration, a third party or panel made up of several individuals, hears both parties’ arguments and makes a binding decision.  Usually, arbirtration is used because there is a clause in a contract requiring it.  It is most often used in a business setting where “thoughts” and “feelings” are not a factor. 
Mediation is usually used in family law matters or matters involving relationships, relatives, and parties that will have to work together after the court case is over.  Mediation is often chosen over a trial in in family law cases because there is a general aversion to having decisions mandated by a court.
When parties go into mediation, they are not required to have an attorney; however, attorneys are allowed to be present.  When deciding whether to retain counsel, you should keep in mind a few things:
1) The mediator is not interested in finding a fair solution- the mediator is interested in finding a solution the parties can agree upon.  You may be thinking: “Well, if the parties agree, then the agreement must be fair.”  Not necessarily.  If the power between the parties is not balanced, if one party is more educated, if one party has greater knowledge of their rights, or even if one party is just not able to stand strong when faced with pressure from the other party, then the agreement may not be fair.  You must keep in mind that you are in mediation with someone you have an existing relationship with, those patterns of behavior have already been established and will continue through the mediation. 
2) The only way to reduce the risk of having the standards of the relationship dictate the outcome of mediation is to show up to mediation with counsel.  Having an attorney present can be helpful because the attorney can provide information on what the court might do if it were making the decision.  The only way you are going to know what the court would do, is if you have counsel. 
3) Having counsel present is not only going to help you but it will also help the other side.  Once you have the knowledge regarding what a court might do, you are able to make better decisions regarding where to compromise and where to stand your ground.
4) Do not simply ask the other party what he/she wants, you must ask “Why do you want that.”  Often times you can satisfy their “why” without giving them what they originally asked for (this is really important if they are asking for something that you want as well).  You should also use this line of thinking when you are negotiating and asking for certain compromises.  If you can satisfy your “why” without taking something they are going to fight for, both parties will be satisfied.
The attorneys at our firm are in the process of becoming trained mediators and look forward to offering this service to clients in 2018.

Debt Collection: Being held liable for another’s debt

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Debt Collection: Being held liable for another’s debt
A spouse can be held liable for the other’s medical bills if the following factors apply:
1) the patient spouse is unable to pay
2) the non-patient spouse is able to pay
If the above factors are shown, the non-patient spouse may be held liable for the patient spouse’s medical bills unless the non-patient spouse has been abandoned by the other spouse without cause.
I usually get asked about this subject in an estate planning context.  Once one spouse passes away,  it is rare for the creditor to collect and here is why:  In Ohio, the creditor’s claim must be made against the decedent’s estate within 6 months of the death.  If the creditor does not assert its claim within 6 months, the creditor’s claim is barred.  Once the claim is barred, the above rule applies.
If you are a surviving spouse finding yourself in the above situation, you should speak to an attorney.  You have a few options.  1) You can claim that you cannot pay, especially now that you have to pay for the cost of burying your spouse.  2) You could also claim that the patient spouse abandoned you without cause.  To determine if either of these arguments might work for you, you should seek the help of counsel to build your case.
Even with the above caviat, it is safe to tell clients that as a general rule, they will not be held liable for the debt’s of their spouse.  It is always important to seek the advice of an attorney if you find yourself in a situation where people are claiming that you are liable for another’s debt.  Creditors (and others) like to tell family members that they will be held liable, in an effort to collect.  Just because a creditor tells you this, it does not make it true.  Always seek the advice of a local attorney to address your specific situation.

Creativity within the Legal Profession

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Creativity within the Legal Profession:
A seasoned attorney once told me that there is no place for creativity within the legal profession.  This view may explain why many attorneys, even younger ones, embrace the traditional approach to the profession.  You can see traces of the traditional mindset in the attorney’s office furniture, marketing, and the way they approach legal representation of their clients.   Their office furniture looks like it is from the 19th century, they are still advertising in the yellow pages, and they talk to their clients in such legal-ease that their clients cannot possibly understand what the attorney is saying.
 
On the one hand, it is easy to understand the importance of tradition within the profession; our entire legal system is based on tradition and precedence.  On the other hand, attorneys are so concerned about preserving tradition that attorneys now believe that creativity has no place within the profession.  This is a scary thought, especially considering that some of the best representation starts with the most creative ideas.  
 
I for one, do not believe creativity is dead in the legal profession.  There is room for both tradition and creativity in the court room, in fact, this is how the legal profession has evolved with our changing attitude about morality and justice.  Creativity is why our clients hire us.  It is our job to come up with creative solutions to legal problems.  Sometimes these ideas are “rule-bending” and sometimes these solutions are complicated triangle deals that will solve our client’s business and personal problems.
 
I consider myself a progressive attorney.  I maintain a balance of tradition and modern that I consider to be ideal.  Although it is has become acceptable for female attorneys to wear non-traditional clothing to court, I tend to wear a traditional suit to court; however, my office furniture is minimal and modern (we have standing desks!), I do not advertise in the yellow pages, and I try to explain legal concepts in everyday English.  Our firm has integrated videos into our marketing plan and will continue to work with new media platforms that our clients also use in their business and personal lives.  I am also not willing to give up my creativity in my personal life.  If you find us on Facebook or Instagram (@ladiesoflaw), you learn something about our personal lives.  This may be off-putting to some, but I urge clients to accept and expect creativity in the legal profession.  Attorneys can only be as creative as our clients allow us to be.
 
For more examples of how Tibbs Law Office, LLC is leading the march to modern, check out http://www.TibbsLawOffice.com, in addition, you can subscribe to my youtube channel at www.youtube.com/TibbsLawOffice and www.youtube.com/tibbslawofficeKentucky.

“Unintentional Landlord”

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The economy is doing better and that means that people are buying and selling homes.  The inventory is at a low point, but that does not seem to be deterring people from buying.  If you find yourself in a situation where you have listed your home for sale and have already purchased your new home, you may find that this balancing act is lasting longer than expected and the only way to stay afloat is to acquire a tenant.

If you find yourself in this situation, you should speak to an attorney early on to make sure you understand the process and your rights and obligations as a landlord. You should have an attorney review your lease and make sure it is sufficient under the circumstances. You should also speak to the attorney about evictions and you should do this before you need to evict a tenant. No one likes evicting but the odds are very great that you will have to evict a tenant at some point.

Many attorneys will do evictions for a flat fee and this usually includes preparing the 3-day notice. Sometimes attorneys will offer a discount if a landlord owns multiple properties (doing more than one eviction at a time is more efficient). The attorney will likely require the flat fee be paid up front along with all filing fees.

The 3-day notice is a very important document and it has to be completed exactly according to the statute or the landlord may have to start the process all over and lose precious time (and time is money). When I am retained for an eviction, I like to prepare the three day notice for my clients so that I can be sure that it is done correctly. If you find yourself delaying hiring an attorney due to cost considerations, this is understandable; however, keep in mind that every day a non-paying tenant stays in your house, you are losing money. It is much more cost efficient to have the eviction done correctly so you can obtain a paying tenant.

If you found this article helpful, please subscribe to my YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/tibbslawoffice and www.youtube.com/tibbslawofficeKentucky. You can also find additional information on the firm website: http://www.tibbslawoffice.com.

TIBBS LAW OFFICE, LLC

1329 E. Kemper Rd. #4230

Cincinnati, OH 45246

(513) 793-7544

tibbslawoffice.com

Planning for long term care continued…

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Planning for long term care continued…

There are many tools that can be used to prepare for long term care: trusts, insurance, TODs, and gift transfers during a lifetime; however, you must choose the right tools for your specific situation and you must make sure those tools are prepared correctly or you may find yourself paying criminal consequences.  Currently, the medicare lookback period is 5 years; however, it is likely the government will extend it to 7 or 8 years in the near future.
From my experience, financial planners tend to encourage clients to create trusts to avoid medicare rules.  This can be great advice in certain situations; however, the client must keep in mind that if s/he would like to create a trust to avoid medicare, it must be an irrevocable trust and the trustee must be someone that is not a relative.  Essentially, the government requires that the client give up all control over his/her assets.  Many people, (especially those with significant assets) will not give up all control over the estate they spent their entire life building.  In some cases, they can’t afford to give up all control because they need to have access to the assets in the event that something happens.
Insurance is a decent option.  There does exist a particular type of insurance that will protect your assets in the event that you go into a nursing home.  For instance, if you purchase the coverage for $200,000, the plan will allow you to keep $200,000 in assets (meaning that you have to spend down any assets above that) and then it will cover all other costs of long term care.  This is a great option if you want to be able to maintain control over your assets.  Obviously, the cost will be the monthly premium.  If this is an option you are interested in exploring, please speak to your financial advisor.  If you don’t have one, I would be happy to refer you to one.
Another great way to reduce assets for long term care planning is to give away assets.  If you have family members that you trust, you can deed real estate to them, open bank accounts in their names, and make gifts of up to $13,000 per year (without tax conseqneces).  I am always hesitant to recommend that my clients do this.  If you give something away, you must realize that you are doing just that: giving it away.  Once you give away an asset, you must expect that the person will treat it as their own.  If they comply with your wishes then that is great but you should always expect that they won’t follow your wishes because legally, they don’t have to.  People have a difficult time controlling themselves when money is involved.
No matter which tools you decide to use in order to adequately plan for long term care, you must make sure that your financial advisor and your attorney communicate and work well together.  Neither will be able to adequately advise you if each is not aware of what the other is doing.